In order to score with women and more importantly, please them, it’s important to understand how they operate. What the hell are they thinking? Why do they do those crazy things? It’s scary territory, but a necessary evil to understand team chick. Yes, every woman is different. But, for a majority of females, I hold these truths to be self-evident:

Fact: Women Get Testy. When dating a woman you are essentially dating judge, jury and executioner all packed into one tight, creamy shell. In order not to burn under the spotlight or crack under the pressure, keep your cool and keep these things in mind: Never accept a premise. Beware of interrogations (multiple questions in a row). Above all, beware women who secretly test you using other women. See next fact.

Fact: Women Tag Team. They conspire against men. At any given time, you are probably being judged by the girl in question and a horde of her friends. At a bar, you will be discussed prior to AND following an interaction. After she hangs up with you, she’ll probably pick up the phone and call her gal pal to go over the conversation. Even when you think you are all alone on a date with a girl, it’s not uncommon that she used a free moment to talk to someone in the bathroom or call a lady friend. All eyes are on you baby.

Fact: Women Fast Forward. Within 24 hours of meeting you, a woman will fast-forward through your entire – as of yet fictional – relationship. She’ll think about where to go on the first date. What to wear. She’ll think about kissing you. The sex. Moving in together. Putting her first name to your last name. The house. The kids. The works. She’ll have this entire romantic image of how things are going to play out. And then you come along and deviate from the plan. Jerk.

Fact: Women Analyze. No wait, we overanalyze. No wait, we scrutinize. And agonize. Well, you get the picture. Or, do you? Perhaps an example would help. A woman will have other women look over an email before she sends it to a guy. She will take notes during a phone conversation and then pour over it with her friends and try to understand what you meant by that thing you said and whether she said the right thing in response to your thing and whether she should call you back and clarify or send an email or just act cool like it never happened. Do you get the extent of the insanity? Do you?

Fact: Women come with baggage. Not emotional. I mean, when you date a girl you are likely dating her friends too, most of her family, her hairdresser, roommates, co-workers and therapist. Most women rely heavily on the opinion of her closest peoples. Therefore, impressing these people directly (when you meet them) and indirectly (through glowing reports from her) is crucial. You might think you’re safe if she’s completely smitten with you – even if her friends hate your guts. Oh, no. If I disapprove or dislike a guy my friend is dating, I may not tell her outright, but I will find ways of undermining him by constantly planting the you-could-do-better seed. Eventually the you-could-do-better seed will sprout into the it’s-not-you-it’s-me seed. Ya dig?