Sports. A gift from the gods. A fantastic pastime. A reason for living. You spend countless hours watching, playing and betting on sports – but I bet you didn’t know that watching a football player score a touchdown can teach you how to score with women. That’s right guys. Sports can teach you a lot about women AND how to win them over. So, lets take it back to the basics. . .

Basketball 101
There are only so many fouls you can make before you get removed from the game. Same goes for women. A girl will give you fair warning if you make a bad play on a date or in a relationship. But, if you don’t stop the offending behavior, you’re getting benched. If you want to stay in the game, watch where you put your hands and keep an eye on the signals from the referee. Another truth about women you can learn from basketball is that scoring a woman is only a slam-dunk for large, athletic men with big balls and lots of money. Every other man in the world must rely on hard work, practice and persistence to achieve her swoosh.

NASCAR 101
Finding the right women is like finding the right car. You want the right color, the right size, an easy drive and low mileage of course. Also, all the great drivers know that it’s not how fast you go – but how well you drive that determines whether you reach the finish line. It’s strategy – when to fill up on gas, whether to change the tires, when to take the lead and when to follow. The point? Pace yourself when pursuing a girl. Take breaks for pit stops between relationships. And keep your eyes open for the green flags waving you on.

Wrestling 101
We all know that the WWF is as fake as the breasts and bimbos beating the white trash out of each other on Jerry Springer – BUT, both can be very enjoyable if you appreciate the melodrama. Lesson: women like drama. If you don’t provide it they will either avoid you (what happens to most nice guys) or create the drama (what happens to most guys period). Much like the WWF’s tag-team midget wrestling or the transsexual, monkey-fucking siblings on Jerry Springer, you must take women’s bullshit in stride and even find the humor in it – if you do, you’ll enjoy many happy relationships.

Golf 101
If you want to get a hole in one, you need to follow through on your swing. That means if you say you’ll call a girl on Friday. Call her on Friday. If you say you’re going to take some girl to a movie. Do what you say and don’t change your plans at the last minute. Otherwise, you will spend a lot of time stroking from the ruff – ya dig?